St. Mary Nanoose Bay

August 4, 2019 Sermon

Luke 12:13-21              

How many of us are like the person in the crowd in today’s gospel reading, wanting someone else to resolve or mediate a family dispute? We want someone with authority to make the person we are in conflict with behave and do the right thing. We believe in ultimate fairness and justice and want it imposed from above. We believe we are being fair, and right, and ethical, and the other person isn’t. We’re right; they are wrong, and justice must prevail.            

But even if we do get our day in court, often there is limited time to hear the case and the judge will make a decision based on the testimony heard and information presented, which never fully reflects the complexity of human relationships, human psychology and human behaviour.            

Many people I know facing a separation or divorce these days are encouraged or even required to do mediation first before having their day in court. With the help of a 3rd party they are supported in finding their own solution to their own problem. My husband Jim is trained as a small court meditator and I used to hear both very sad and incredibly inspiring stories from him about some of the people who came to him for mediation.            

But if people aren’t open to the mediation process, it’s impossible to come to a mutually agreeable solution. In other words, if you’re not open to exploring other ways to settle your issues other than the way you think best, you will be a resistant to engaging.                           

And if there is an imbalance of power in a relationship, mediation can actually be dangerous. The bully in the relationship may behave during the mediation, presenting as cooperative, but afterwards may punish the other physically and/or psychologically for standing up for themselves or divulging information that compromises the bully. These cases then are best decided in a courtroom.            

So in this parable today we hear a man who ask Jesus to settle a family dispute concerning an inheritance – “Teacher, tell me brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” Jesus uses this incident to point to a key issue here. The key reason Jesus came to be with us. To challenge the idea of God as a distant judge, as arbiter in our relationships. To help us to move beyond right/wrong thinking and get into our hearts. Jesus encourages us to look within to find ways to save, restore, and deepen relationships.            

When someone from outside tells two people who are disagreeing who is right and who is wrong, the relationship is in jeopardy. When the two people in conflict are assisted in finding a solution that meets both their needs, the relationship is not only sustained but likely deepened. I remember as a parent of young children, if I arbitrarily stepped in to resolve a conflict our sons were having, the solution wouldn’t last and often I would add a new level of conflict – between me and the son who felt the solution was unfair to him. But if I spent the time helping the two listen to each other and then come up with their own solution, not only was the problem solved but they felt good about the process and each other, and their relationship was enriched in this way.            

This is what Jesus came to show us – how to deepen our relationship with God, and with neighbour. Love trumps all. And as our Wayside Pulpit says, “It isn’t love until you give it away.” Love isn’t only a feeling…..it’s an act of the will and concrete action.              

So isn’t it interesting that in today’s gospel Jesus uses inheritance as the issue around which to address the greed that interferes so much in our human relationships and our trust in God.            

I’ve seen this during my own life, luckily not in my own family of origin but in good friends’ families. I even have a friend who cautioned his parents not to go on vacation or take cruises because he didn’t want his inheritance to be diminished in any way.  I have a dear friend who has 4 siblings like me, and as they divided up their parents’ belongings, her siblings ganged up to ensure she came away with hardly anything while they supported each other to make sure they each got what they wanted. Need I say that my friend’s relationships with her brothers and sisters are severely damaged, and while I pray they may one day reconcile, I don’t hold out much hope. Her siblings are right/wrong thinking people, not relationship building and caring folk.            

In my own family of origin, my parents planned thoughtfully and thoroughly for their deaths and for what they were leaving behind. All their key belongings were given away long before they died. And after they died, my brother devised a very fair system by which to distribute what remained. But I’m not much of a strategist and came away from the exercise with noticeably less “stuff” than my siblings. Perhaps I knew deep down that one day I’d be living in a tiny home!! And for me, stuff doesn’t translate into love – I was secure in my parents’ love for me and didn’t need “stuff” remind me.            

Now that I’m a priest, I have seen some really sad situations where instead of grieving the loss of a loved one, and supporting each other, family members divert their feelings and attention by squabbling over money and material belongings; thoughtlessly damaging relationships with those they related to, and their children know as their aunts and uncles and cousins.            

God is rich with us. Giving us life, and life in abundance. So many of us have MORE than enough. In fact, we are storing what we cannot use that others actually really need. Can we see how our behaviour, our hoarding, our concern for security at the expense of others puts a wedge between ourselves and God, and ourselves and neighbour?            

It’s not about right and wrong; it’s about the quality of relationships we have. Are we forgiving? Do we listen deeply to understand the needs and concerns of people we have a hard time liking? Do we concern ourselves with the quality of our relationship with God and neighbour, or more with the balance in our bank account?            

Jesus warns us; when we are lying on our death bed, it’s our relationships that will be uppermost on our minds; the gratitude for those who have loved us and the regrets for those missed moments where fear or greed kept us from being loving.            

Prepare yourself with the knowledge that your time on earth is limited. Don’t wait until it’s too late. In the areas of conflict or discomfort in your life, invest your time, honesty and creativity to build up the kingdom of God; to reconcile your life by facing your regrets, your broken relationships and reaching out to give or receive forgiveness.            

We never know when our last breath will be. But we can do our best to prepare today to have that breath be full of gratitude, not regret. Yes, gratitude for what the poet Mary Oliver describes wonderfully as “your one wild and precious life?”            

When people come up here at a Celebration of Life to talk about their loved one who has died, the memories have nothing to do with what possessions they had but with the ways in which the person loved life and the people around him or her.            

So let’s start today, letting go of thoughts of what we think we need and focus instead on what we have -  all the love we are so fortunate to receive from all the amazing, and yes imperfect people in our lives, and open our hearts to feel the gratitude that takes us an appreciation of life itself, and the Creator who loved us into being, holds us always, and waits to call us home.             Come taste that love at the Table of Plenty this morning. All are welcome.            

Amen.